I have said it before and I will say it again, gyms are fundamentally weird places. I shudder to think what Goffman or Foucalt would have to say about them. There are many things that make the gym weird, the Personal Trainers, the Body Beautifuls, the strange slogans and incessant advertising, a room full of people running on the spot staring at television screens. The list goes on and on. But today I will talk about some of the gym’s weirder inhabitants: the Body Beautifuls. You know the ones.
The women are young with make up, free flowing ponytails and very short shorts. I am willing to concede the makeup, because if I actually wore makeup to work it is unlikely I would think to take it off before working out. But it would get messy once I started. This is not a problem for the female BBs as they do not seem prone to sweating. Nor are they prone to love handles, cellulite or unmanageable hair. I am becoming increasingly convinced they are a bread of aliens trying to bring down humanity by contributing to fellow gym-goers feelings of discomfort and dismay at their own flabby(er) bodies. The men don’t seem to sweat much either. The just look all hot and muscly and unattainable. Except for the really bulky ones who just look like aliens, lending further support to my Theory. (Although, another theory suggests that they exist purely for our amusement, but that feels unkind).
For the BBs working out isn’t so much about fitness but about putting yourself on display. It’s like a courtship ritual gone wrong. Wrong because the normal people (i.e. me) can only watch, occasionally drool and keep their arousal respectfully to themselves (the gym is one place where I am glad I am not a man, perhaps that’s why so many of them wear loose fitting shorts?). Courtship certainly takes place, and it is a strange thing to watch. It’s a bit like watching man peacocks try to impress lady peacocks. Except at the gym, everyone behaves like the man peacock.
‘Jealous?’ I hear you mumble with a raised eyebrow. Not really. The BBs are far removed from anyone I have experienced in real life, and it is hard to be jealous of something so completely unrelatable. And when I check out men in the gym (and believe me, I do) the ones I usually like the look of are a little bit scruffier, or a bit skinnier, or have glasses. You know, they look like real people (or are just really, really dirty hot). I would like to think the real people extend the same courtesy to me, but I’m not so sure. I look pretty whacked when I work out.
